Dealing with infidelity
A study into infidelity shows that 45% of men and 32% of women in the UK have admitted to being unfaithful to their partner at least once during their relationship, even more alarming is that 22% of married men and 14% of married women in the UK have admitted to cheating during their marriage.
So how do we define cheating? The Urban Dictionary defines cheating as “a person who has a significant other and performs any type of intimate acts with anotherperson”. There are different types of cheating. Physical cheating typically consists of sexual activity with someone other than your partner. Emotional cheating; this is when you share your most personal wants, needs and desires with someone else and sometimes can include physical intimacy. Cybercheating; using online porn, online dating and cyber flirting are all forms of Cyber cheating according to match.com. Text cheating includes sexting, flirting and planning to meet up or go on dates.
Finding out that you have been cheated on is going to hurt somewhat, you may feel a whole mix bag of emotions in relation to your partner which can make processing the unfaithfulness much harder to do. Here is a bit of guidance on how to navigate your way through such an emotional minefield.
Establish the facts of the infidelity
The majority of the time we find out that our partner has cheated from someone else, it’s very rare for a partner to be so upfront and admit infidelity. It can also be confusing hearing accounts from other people; there may be differing stories, gaps in the information and lack of details. Another thing to take into account is the motives of another person who is telling you about your partner’s infidelity; it is coming from a genuine place of protecting you and looking out for your best interests or is there an ulterior motive. You will only know the answer if you ask why they’re telling you this, then plan your next move once you have all the relevant information.
Confront your partner
This is never an easy or pleasant task, but it’s a necessary one. Be direct and honest when talking to your partner. If your partner tries to change the subject bring them back to topic. If you have any texts, photos, emails or any other proof to confirm the infidelity now is the time to use it.
Seeking impartial advice
Gaining impartial advice from a counsellor over the phone or face-to-face allows you to explore the infidelity and speak honestly about how you are being affected by it. Within therapy sessions, you can also explore your options concerning your relationship, reflect on your relationship before the cheating, address trust issues and plan how to move forward.
Take time to weigh up your options
In order to make the right decision for you, it’s best to take your time to absorb all the information you have received fully. You may choose to spend some time away from your partner. Having time and space away from your partner will help you to assess how you really feel about them and whether you are ready to forgive and move on.
Move on together or separately
This is a big decision either way and the regardless of your choice the road ahead is going to be a revelation and full of personal growth. If you decide to stay with your partner couples counselling would be the best way forward to work through your issues and strengthen your relationship. If you choose to end your relationship counselling will help you deal with adjusting to the single life and working on rebuilding trust which has been broken with your ex-partner.
It is going to take time to be able to properly process, adjust and move on from such a big betrayal however it is possible.There is no time frame for how long it will take your heart to heal so taking time for yourself is essential to work out what you truly want for yourself.